Archive for the Gothilocks Category

Update 06/06/2018

Posted in Black Hymeneal, Clark Ashton Smith, Denisse Montoya, Gothic Poetry, Gothilocks, Grimscribe Press, Poetry, Self Publishing, Test Patterns: Creature Features, The Audient Void, The Fell Fête, Vastarien, Weird Poetry with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 7, 2018 by Manuel Paul Arenas

I have had a lot of stuff going on over the last month or so and many of my previous plans and aspirations have been put on hold till further notice. My friend Denisse, who was helping me put together Black Hymeneal has had some personal concerns which demand her time and attention so the work she was doing for me has been put indefinitely on hold, which may work out for me in the end since it has been suggested to me by some friends in the field that publishing a book before one has an audience to sell it to may be an unsound investment.

So, instead, I have been focusing on getting my work published. At present, there are five publications which I am waiting to hear back from. I have sent poems to The Audient Void, Vastarien, and Mirror Dance for consideration and I have also sent The Fell Fete to a UK publisher which is putting together a book in tribute to Clark Ashton Smith, and just last night I sent Gothilocks to the magazine Test Patterns: Creature Feature for their next issue. I’m not sure that I understood their requirements and may have just made a futile submission, but we’ll see what Fate has in store for me in that regard.

I have been thinking that I want to do some video recitals of my poetry for a proposed Youtube channel. In the interim, I have contacted my good friend Rand to see if he knows anyone who can perhaps shoot a video of a brief recital to post on here. I’d like it to be up close and personal, as if I were reading directly to the viewer and maybe even have a moody setting. I might even dress up a bit for it. We’ll see what we can pull off.

Update 6/14/2018:

Vastarien sent a very polite rejection notice recently for Moribond. I was surprised, since they emphasized their interest in poetry of the Park Barnitz persuasion, and Moribond is definitely within that charnel house genre, but I think my little poem may have less to do with the artful poesy of that doomed scribe and more to do with lurid Gothic broadside ballads. Either way, they didn’t take it.

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Goodbye 2016, and Good Riddance!

Posted in 2016, Black Hymeneal, Dick Kelly, Gothilocks, Krampus, Michele Bledsoe, Year End Review, year in review with tags , , , , , , , on December 25, 2016 by Manuel Paul Arenas
Goodbye 2016, and Good Riddance! It may be a bit early yet to be assessing the past 12 months, but I don’t foresee much of any consequence happening between then and now. 2016 was to be a year of promise, a year for turning things around. Instead, I spent most of the year coasting and waiting for change to happen. I had planned to complete and publish my book, “Black Hymeneal”, but made very little progress at all, despite the help of a few good friends, while several of my colleagues from the local poetry scene put out their 2nd or 3rd books. I was going to go back and finish up some of the many unfinished works I have floundering in limbo, but I only managed to finish one, and added several more works to the unfinished pile. In fact, I wrote very little this year. Aside from my journal, which I write in almost every day, and some odd lines of doggerel, I did very little writing despite having some genuinely good ideas. I fear that I cannot rightly call myself a writer anymore because I do not write.
As I have mentioned before, I suffer from anxiety and depression, which holds me back from doing the things I love. I do see a counselor, which helps, but I am loathe to take medication because of the adverse side effects. I also fear it might block the creative juices. I may have to rethink that though, because I don’t know how much time I have and I have too much unfinished business to attend to before I go and I can’t let my anxiety hold me back.
This year, despite my anxiety, I took a leap of faith and on a tip from a friend left my bookstore job to work at a local mortuary. I was a “removal technician” for 3 weeks. My job was to pick up “decedents” from wherever they might be (hospitals, hospices, and even private residences) and transport them to a care facility for processing before they go on to their final destination. It is not an easy job by any stretch of the imagination, and I respect the folks who can do it without the repercussions I faced. The physical demands alone were intense, even with tricks and tools of the trade, and I was often in serious pain after one of my 4 weekly 10 hour shifts.
What got me, however, was the human factor. I thought that with my interest in funerary ritual and with the right attitude, I could make a career out of this job. What I didn’t count on was my empathy. I couldn’t deal with the grieving families or even the people who died alone with no one around to send them off into the great abyss. I would look at the pathetic husks of human remains and think, “Is this all we are?”
I would obsess all day over this before my graveyard shift of 7 pm to 5 am. Many times I would worry about losing my loved ones, like the time I picked up someone at a hospital morgue with the same exact name as someone from my extended family. I knew it wasn’t them, but it made me think about when I would have to pick up someone I knew. I thought a lot about my own mortality, and would have panic attacks.
Worst of all, I dreaded picking up dead children and messy cadavers, which they called “nasties”. As part of my training I was taken to the “decomp” cooler where they kept corpses in advance states of decay, or messy bodies, like gnarly accident or murder victims, so that I could accustom myself to the sights and smells. It wasn’t too bad, something like looking at a gruesome picture of a crime scene or a horror film, but I didn’t have to touch them, like I would on a run. And then there was the smell…
The smell of death, a distinct pungent smell unlike anything else, began to follow me everywhere I went, even to places it could not possibly be, and whenever I talked about my new job with friends, I would break down in tears. In desperation to save my situation from getting worse, I lit a votive candle with the image of the Santa Muerte and implored Her to help me to find the courage and strength to take on this sacred task of helping the dead in their last voyage, but to no avail.
An Internet stock photo of the vela I used. I got mine from a local Frys supermarket of all places.

An Internet stock photo of the vela I used. I got mine from a local Frys supermarket of all places.

After 3 weeks of this, I quit. I had informed them of the possibility of me leaving a week prior, but when I did it was overnight. I had other reasons for wanting to go so suddenly, like how I didn’t fit in with my colleagues, and felt like they weren’t helping me get trained properly before they tried sending me off on my own, but really, the main reason was Thanatophobia a/k/a “Death Anxiety”. Anyone whom has read my poetry, especially such pieces as “Moribond” or even my beloved “Black Hymeneal”, knows my obsession with, and fear of, death. I thought I could use this job to help get past it, but it only intensified it.
The next few weeks were spent applying for jobs and trying not to spend too much money. I finally got a job working at a company that does closed captioning phone service for the hard of hearing. I haven’t started yet, but I am hopeful it will work out.
Twice in recent months I have had family members warn me of becoming bitter. I admit, I am not as hopeful as I have been in the past, and I have developed some negatively fatalistic attitudes about my life, in particular where my love life is concerned, but I don’t think I am quite there just yet.
Speaking of my love life, there is nothing going on there, which has surprised the heck out of me. I thought that within 6 months or so, I would be over my last amorous fiasco and finding solace with someone who would be less judgmental of me and more willing to settle down. Boy, was I wrong. I haven’t met anyone else in over a year with whom I would feel even a little compatible. That’s not to say that I haven’t met people I’ve liked, they just were not available to me or would have been unwise choices to get involved with. With my 50th birthday coming next summer, I fear that I may have to accept the fact that whatever time I have left in this life will be spent alone.
Perhaps this is for the better. I have heard a few times lately that attachments make one vulnerable and distracted. I need to stay focused if I hope to finish all the work I have planned for next year.
I also have family around me, who love me, and a handful of good friends, and that is what gets me through the day. I have come to realize that in this all too brief life of uncertainty and misery that is the only thing that matters.
Etching by artist Dick Kelly for an upcoming illustrated edition of my Krampus poem.

Etching by artist Dick Kelly for an upcoming illustrated edition of my Krampus poem.

On a final note, I am working on putting together a chapbook of my poem “Gruss vom Krampus” with the help of my good friend, artist Dick Kelly. The illustrations he has done already are amazing, and I cannot wait to see how it all fits together. If it goes well, and if we can recover some of the costs in printing it through sales, I am hoping to make more like it; perhaps a story this time, like “Gothilocks”. We’ll see.
Photo os me with my new hair cut, holding the card I made with the help of a very talented friend, for my parent's th anniversary.

Photo of me with my new hair cut, holding the card I made with the help of a very talented friend, for my parent’s 50th anniversary.

PS: I cut my hair, which I hadn’t done for 7 years, and I like the way it looks. Surprisingly, I look a bit younger, and although I’m still spending my nights alone, it has garnered me a bit more attention from the ladies than previously. Looking towards the future, let’s hope it’s brighter and better than 2016.
P.P.S.: I still intend to publish an e-book version of “Black Hymeneal” with alternate cover art and no illustrations just to get it out there into the world. Eventually, however, I hope to put out the version I originally planned featuring the amazing artwork of my good friend artist Michele Bledsoe.

Gothilocks Introduction

Posted in Antimärchen, Belladonna, Dracula, Frankenstein, Gothilocks with tags , , , , , on January 23, 2012 by Manuel Paul Arenas

In the early aughts, I took a creative writing course at Broward Community College in Ft Lauderdale, FL (they have since dropped the “Community” part of the name and go by Broward College) which I enjoyed immensely. One day my professor tried to explain to us the concepts of the protagonist and antagonist in a story by using the example of the fairytale of  “Goldilocks and the Three Bears”. Apparently, in the academic community, there is an ongoing debate on whether it is a story about a golden haired girl who gets lost in the forest and takes shelter in a lodging apparently owned by three bears, or is it a story about a family of bears that go out for a walk only to find upon returning their residence usurped by a squatter? After some discussion, he gave the class the assignment of writing our own stories using the model of Goldilocks. Of course, my imagination being filtered through a Gothic lens, I came up with “Gothilocks”, a young Goth girl who stumbles upon a cottage in the woods inhabited by Dracula, the Frankenstein Monster, and a Wolf-man.

The story went over so well in class that I decided to write more in that vein and ended up writing a whole series of stories involving Gothilocks and her friends interacting with faeries, and various monsters from legend, mythology and Gothic literature and film.

Bandido Studios, circa 2005: Me, Jessica (Gothilocks), Jesus and photographer Juan Sanchez. @ Gothilocks debut signing.   

In around 2005 I collaborated with an Arizona indie comic book artist named Jesus “Jessie” Gutierrez on a comic version of the story. The initial book was sold at comic conventions and the Phoenix Comicon at the Bandido Studios table, which was owned and run by Jessie and had modest success for such a homegrown effort. One of Jessie’s favorite ways to plug his own comic series (Barrio Blues, a “Mexploitation” comic with gun-slinging vatos and voluptuous Latina hotties) was to talk his female acquaintances into donning “Bandido Studios” t-shirts and pretend to be the characters in the stories. This helped a bit to draw interest to his table and when he suggested I do the same for Gothilocks, I gave it much thought and decided to ask my good friend Jessica (I have chosen not to reveal her surname for her personal privacy) to be my spokesperson. I spent lots of cash getting her costume together and she took to the part with gusto! She would show up at in-store signings and would sign the comics with her real name–LOL! She fit the character so well, that she inspired me to write more stories and, in my mind at least, she became synonymous with the character. When we did a reprint of the comic in 2006, I included a few photos of Jessica dressed up as Gothilocks in her cape, corset, mini-skirt and knee-high boots. We did a few different photo sessions around town in a local cemetery and a wooded area by a roadside in Surprise, but none of the photos made it onto any comics as Jesus and I drifted apart before we made any more Gothilocks comics. Also included was the original text of the story since I felt that the comic had cut out way too much of it for my taste.

For the proposed second comic in the series, I had decided to do the prequel, “Belladonna”, which doesn’t feature Gothilocks per se, but does mention her in passing and sets up the pretense for her being in the forest in the first place. After much soul searching, and one failed attempt to recruit a former co-worker, I decided to go with another friend, Shawna (again, surname withheld for privacy). Jesus took some photos of her in her father’s backyard, which came out nicely, but the comic was never made.

Me and Shawna in her Dad’s kitchen after taking photos for the Belladonna comic.

 

To this day, the series has remained largely unread by others because I cannot find the right artist to do the spot illustrations I want. What I hope to do someday is make the series into old fashioned Penny Bloods featuring a few illustrations and a lurid cover. I have approached many artists for this over the years, with interesting results, but none ever really caught the right feel for what I wanted. What follows will be the Gothilocks and Belladonna stories, (as two separate entries) accompanied by their respective artwork and photos…